


Helpless

by alycat



Series: Helper 'verse [2]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Dubious Consent, M/M, Manipulation, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 11:46:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/861635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alycat/pseuds/alycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seven years ago Jared did something unforgivable but he has never managed to forget his stint as Santa at the hospital, or the kid he met there. He never expected to see him again, much less live close to him and it would take a much better man than Jared to resist claiming Jensen for himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Helpless

**Author's Note:**

> Original warnings and notes from Livejournal
> 
>  _Pairing, rating & kinks_: J2 - NC-17, underage (mentions of past extreme underage), age difference (Jensen 16, Jared 35), dub-con, messed up boys, manipulation.

-¤-

The Texas heat was sweltering and Jared sighed as he hefted another box from the truck and carried it up the steps to his new home. After years of rented apartments and shared houses, Jared finally had a house to call his own. That thought was enough to make him smile despite the heat that was burning his skin, making him sweat until his clothes were clinging to his body and all he could do was long for a shower. Depositing the box on the living room floor, Jared walked back to the truck and peered into the bed where several boxes were still waiting to be carried inside. 

"Hey, welcome to the neighborhood!"

Jared looked up and saw an older man standing on the sidewalk, one hand up to shield his eyes from the sun and a wide smile on his lips. 

"Thanks," Jared said, returning the smile. 

"You choose a hell of a day to move in," the man said, taking a step closer. "I'm Alan, me and the family live in the house down at the end of the street."

"Jared Padalecki," Jared introduced himself. "And at least I had the movers do the big furniture the day before yesterday, this is just the smaller stuff that apparently weighs more than I had expected it to."

"Want some help with the last things?" Alan offered. "I could get my oldest out, he just got home from college, and I'm sure we'll have this done in no time."

Jared opened his mouth to protest but then he looked down at the boxes he knew were filled with books and movies and the very thought of carrying them all inside by himself was enough to make his arms hurt.

"You know what? That would be awesome, thank you so much."

"It's what neighbors are for," Alan said. "We're rather helpful around here, just let me get a hold of him."

The man fished out a phone from his pocket and quickly pushed in a number, leaning against the side of Jared's car as he lifted the phone to his ear.

"Yeah it's me, is Josh there? Good, can you send him down the street, we're helping the new neighbor moving in," Alan said and Jared could only hear the low mumble of the person at the other end. "Because you got chores to do. I know. Yes. I know, very unfair. Now send Josh over, okay, kiddo?"

At the last word the voice on the other hand got a bit louder and then Alan scowled down at the phone for a moment before he put it back in his pocket.

"Youngest son," he explained. "He's a bit of a...handful at times. But he promised to help his mother around the house today and I'm holding him to that. But hey, there's Josh already."

A young man came down the street, sunglasses on his nose, and he waved a greeting as he walked to where they were standing. If Jared had to guess he would say that the man must be in his early twenties, late college years at the oldest. 

"New neighbor," the man said with a grin. "Thank you for enabling me to not have to listen to my little brother for a while, it's appreciated. And I'm Joshua Ackles, by the way. At your service." 

With the three of them working together, Alan and Josh keen to tell Jared anything he wanted to know about the neighborhood, the rest of the boxes were soon lined up by the wall in the living room and Jared led them into the kitchen. A towel dipped in some cool water was just what he needed and he groaned at how good it felt as he wiped the sweat from his face. His two guests copied his actions and Jared was met with two matching grins as he opened the door to reveal the contents inside. 

"Man after my own heart," Josh said as he took in all the beer. "True Texan boy."

"Help yourself," Jared offered and both men took a bottle each, leaning back against the empty counters. "I didn't really expect for people to be this friendly."

Their voices echoed oddly in the room, no furniture, rugs or curtains to dull the sounds but it still felt like a home more than his furnished apartment ever had.

"We're a friendly bunch," Alan said, taking a swig from his beer. "We’ve all lived here for quite some time, our kids grew up together and we took turns babysitting when needed. We're just that cheesy and co-dependant."

Jared smiled but there were tendrils of guilt in the back of his mind, thoughts and feelings that he had been pushing away for years and that he really shouldn't be thinking of when standing in his new home with his new neighbors.

"That sounds..nice?" Jared said, hearing the question in his voice.

"No kids for you, I guess?" Alan laughed. "It's okay, we're not all about kids. We're about community. And speaking of, you should come to the Fourth of July picnic this Sunday."

Jared nodded, but a part of him was back with the prettiest kid he had ever seen, brilliant green eyes and the softest skin and his throat turned dry. It wasn't often he thought of the young boy he had met, the boy that had felt so very good seated on his lap. He forced himself to push the thoughts aside and turn to the two men still waiting for a response. 

"Picnic?" Jared asked.

"Down at the park," Josh explained. "The neighborhood gets together and has this big picnic; almost everyone will be there and the food people bring is to die for. Really, you should come, it would be the perfect way to meet everyone. Even my moody little brother will be there."

"Josh!" Alan snapped.

"I'm sorry, but he is," Josh said with a snort. "Coming. And an emo."

"Guess siblings will always argue," Alan excused his son. "Josh is right though, you need to come to the picnic. And we need to head home for dinner or my wife and son might refuse me food."

"Thanks for the beer, Jared," Josh said, downing the last of his. "Just let us know if you need more help and we'll be here. We take payment in beer."

Jared smiled and followed them to the front door, his own beer still in hand and a forced promise that he would indeed attend the picnic. He watched the two men leave and closed the door behind them, leaning his forehead against the wood and taking in a deep breath to try and calm himself down. 

He knew that he should feel much guiltier than he did, knew that what he had done to Jensen was something unforgivable but he couldn't make himself regret it. While all his sexual encounters since had been on the legal side, nothing could compare to the nine year old kid that had been so very trusting and so damn _good_. But that was another life, another time, and he had never returned to the hospital to try and find the kid, something he was both proud of and regretted. He just needed to not start thinking of the kid when standing with his new neighbors right next to him. There had to be limits. 

-¤-

"Hey Padalecki, over here!" 

The park had been one of the big selling points when Jared had decided on what neighborhood to begin with: it would be perfect for the dog he one day hoped to get. Seeing it crowded with people and animals, however, it felt even better and he had a big smile on his lips as he walked over to where Josh Ackles was waving at him from a picnic table ladened with food and bottles.

"Welcome," Alan said and held out a beer. "This is my wife, Donna, and Josh you've obviously already met. I think my other two kids are around here somewhere. Probably."  
"Nice to meet ya'll," Jared greeted, pushing his sunglasses up on his head as he shook Donna's hand. "I really hadn't expected something like this when I bought the house, not that I can complain. And oh, I brought something, it's my Mom's recipe."

He put down the covered pie he had been carrying and he was proud that he had managed to create something like that even with his mother on the phone each step of the way. It wasn't often he truly spent time in the kitchen, but there was no way he would show up at the first Fourth of July picnic without something to share with the others. Removing the foil covering they were all met with the warm scent of apple and cinnamon and Jared felt more than a little proud of his creation. 

"Pie," Josh said with a grin. "My kid brother will love you for this!"

"I'm not a kid," came a low grumble from behind Jared and he turned around to face a teenager standing there, glaring at Josh. 

Jared took in slightly too long hair that fell down to half hide green eyes and his gaze traveled down a slender body dressed in a shirt that stretched over the boy's shoulders but was loose around his narrow waist. 

"What _are_ you wearing?" Donna exclaimed in a tone that wasn't very different from that Jared's own mother would have used. "We can buy you clothes that aren't too small!"

The boy looked down at his slightly too tight jeans but he merely shrugged as he moved past Jared and sat down at the table, reaching for a beer.

"Don't even think about it," Alan snapped and the boy sighed and grabbed a Coke instead. 

Jared couldn't tear his eyes off the boy, gaze falling down to where soft, pink lips wrapped snuggly around the neck of the bottle and Jared sat down as well, suddenly eager to hide the way his cock hardened at the sight. It wasn't something he was used to, it wasn't who he was. Or at least it wasn't who he had been for the last seven years. He was just about to ask for the kid's name when music arose from a few tables over, a few guys strumming guitars and everyone else at the table faced towards them to listen. Everyone except for the boy who had just joined them. 

-¤-  
-¤-

Jensen poked at the label on his bottle, fingers wet with the condensation that was already forming a ring on the top of the picnic table. The big neighborhood picnic wasn't really where he wanted to be, but it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter, not if he wanted any chance of heading out in the evening. He wasn't really surprised about his mother's reaction to his clothes; it was something he’d become used to over the last years since things had started changing. Since he himself had started changing, if truth be told. 

He could feel eyes on him, the stranger at the table who must be the new guy a few houses over that his dad had mentioned earlier in the day. Jensen wasn't sure what he had expected, his father had said that the new guy was tall and seemed nice but that was all and Jensen thought that maybe he had expected someone like his father. Someone older, someone boring. The man in front of him was as far from boring as possible though, tall and undeniably hot but there was something in the way he was looking at Jensen that made his skin itch with the weight of it. 

He didn't want to notice it, knew that he should ignore it but he couldn't stop himself from trying to sneak a glance from under his bangs and he met slightly tilted eyes that were locked on him and the man raised an eyebrow when he caught Jensen looking. Want and discomfort coiled tightly in Jensen's belly, a heavy weight that made the Coke turn bitter on his tongue and his let his gaze fall down on the table instead, his clothes suddenly feeling too revealing. 

Sometimes he wondered what his life would be like had he not been a naive nine-year-old, or maybe if he ever had told someone what had happened back then. Maybe things would have been different then, maybe he would have managed to be into girls the way his parents had raised him to. But then, he wasn't truly sure if he was into guys either, while they did make him feel more than any girl ever had, it still wasn't enough. 

"Welcome to Suburbia," Jensen muttered, trying to break the tension that he thought he might be the only one feeling.

"What was that?" the man said and there was something about his voice that strunck a chord deep inside Jensen. 

"It's just...this place," Jensen said, looking around the happy people filling up the park. "It's just a bit too much. But hey, if that's your thing, Mister..."

"Jared,” the man interrupted. "Please, don't call me Mister. It makes my skin crawl."

"Right, Jared," Jensen said with an awkward nod. "I'm...."

"Jen," Josh said, turning around from where he had been listening to the music. "Could you check where Mack is?"

Jensen wanted to protest, to question why he was the one that had to play babysitter but he knew it wouldn't really lead to anything so he shrugged and got up, grabbing a paper plate and stealing himself a slice of apple pie.

"Thanks for this," he said to Jared. "And as to why I'm here? Well, Josh asked me to be here. There’s just something about seeing your big brother sick in the hospital that makes you want to make him happy, even though it’s been years. He tends to abuse that knowledge."

Jared's eyes flew wide and he stared Jensen, shock written all over his face and Jensen was a bit surprised at that.

"Don't worry, he's been well for like six years now and anyway, I need to go find Mack but it was good meeting you, have fun or whatnot."

He turned away from the table when Jared only stared at him without saying a single word and Jensen wondered how much longer he would have to stay to please Josh. He wasn't even sure why his brother had insisted in him being there, it wasn't as the two of them did much more than argue whenever Josh was back home from college. 

"Mack," he called out, seeing his sister and her friends gathered under a big tree, sheltered from the sweltering sun. "Josh asked for you."

Mackenzie sighed but she got up without protest and when she walked past him she looked down at his plate.

"Oh, pie," she exclaimed. "I didn't know mom made pie."

"Not her," Jensen explained. "It's that new guy who bought the Anderson house."

"Neat," Mack said and Jensen turned to watch her go as she wound her way between the people and over to the table where his family and Jared was sitting.

He wasn't really surprised when he realized that Jared was still watching him, a part of him had known it since he had stood up and left even though he wasn't sure why the man seemed so very interested in him. There was something about Jared though, something that got under Jensen's skin even though he couldn't put his finger on just what it was.

"A bit too old for you, I think."

Jensen spun around to find Brandon standing a few feet away, green eyes narrowed as he followed Jensen's gaze back to Jared.

"Just a new neighbor," Jensen explained and he winced at how much the words sounded like an excuse. 

"Right," Brandon said with a cold edge to his words.

Brandon took a step closer and Jensen wanted to take a step back but he could still feel Jared's eyes on him and he knew that any weakness he showed would be noticed by the man and for some reason it was important to him that he didn't show weakness. 

"You know, we could get out of here," Brandon suggested. "Both our families are here so the houses would be empty..."

There was no denying just what Brandon hinted at and it wouldn't be the first time the two of them would have ended up in bed together. Sex with Brandon was okay, it was easy, and it wasn't what Jensen wanted or needed.

"Bran," Jensen said slowly, looking around to see if anyone was close enough to hear what they were saying but people had drifted over to the food and music over at the picnic tables and the two of them stood quite a bit from the closest group. "Don't...not here. Someone could hear you."

"Do you really plan to hide forever?" Brandon hissed out. "Are you ashamed of me?"

Jensen wasn't ashamed of Brandon, he was just ashamed of the way Brandon made him feel and the fact that he _let_ Brandon make him feel like that. 

"They can't know," Jensen said quietly, forcing himself to step closer to Brandon. "You know they wouldn't understand....and I'm not..."

"Gay?" Brandon asked harshly. "My cock would disagree."

The angry tone in Brandon's voice made Jensen wince as he realized that apparently Brandon cared more for Jensen than he had expected and he knew it was time to break things off before it got too far. Meeting Brandon's annoyed gaze he wondered if maybe it wasn't too late already.

"I don't think we should see each other anymore," Jensen said, words that he had said several times before since he had started being the person he was now. 

"I should have seen this coming," Brandon snarled. "People said you were a bit of a slut. But at least you were decent in bed."

Jensen knew that the words were meant to hurt, but that didn't lessen the sting in any way and no matter what he had intended he couldn't stop himself from taking a step back at the venom in Brandon's voice. He opened his mouth but he didn't really know what to say and he didn't get a chance before Brandon took a step forward, too close and Jensen could see the other boy close to exploding, something that just couldn't happen that close to his parents.

"Hey Jensen, can I have a few words?"

Brandon froze in place and he looked over Jensen's shoulders, gaze travelling up and Jensen knew just who was standing behind him. He just couldn't figure out just what Jared was doing there, why his very presence made Jensen want to take a step away from the man behind him almost as much as he wanted to feel that body against his own. 

-¤-  
-¤-

Jared stepped close enough to the kid that he could feel the warmth of his body and while he was shorter than Jared himself, he seemed big compared to the boy Jared remembered. 

"We're talking..." Jensen started saying but the guy he had been talking with shook his head.

"I think we're done talking."

Without another word he turned around and walked away, stiff posture to his shoulders but Jared didn't care, what he did care about was the fact that Jensen still stood with his back to Jared.

"Brandon, dammit," Jensen said and his head dipped forward as he shook his head. 

"You're Jensen," Jared said, already knowing that he was right after a quick question to Josh.

In fact he had been sure from the second that Jensen mentioned a brother in the hospital and he couldn't understand how he hadn't seen it right away. Jensen might have grown up but his lips were still full and soft looking and the same freckles lay like a dusting over his nose and cheekbones. Jared hadn't seen it, because he had never expected to see the kid again, even less so have him living just a few houses away. He didn't know if he should count it a blessing or a curse but he was damn sure that the years of behaving had just come to an end because there was no way he could pass up a chance to get to feel Jensen's new, grown up body.

"Um, yeah," Jensen agreed and finally he turned around, head tilting back to look up at Jared. "Did my parents want something?"

Jensen looked over to the table they had vacated but the rest of the Ackles clan were turned away from and like most people in the park they were focused on the impromptu concert and on plates of food.

"No, I think they're busy," Jared said, looking over as well to make sure that people weren't listening but even the younger kids had abandoned the shade in favor of the food being shared around. "I just thought that maybe you could help me bring some more drinks from my place?"

It was a flimsy excuse and Jared could see the kid hesitating, white teeth biting down on his lower lip and worrying it back and forth as he thought. The sight was enough for Jared's cock to throb, heat pooling deep in his belly and he needed to get Jensen alone, needed to see if the kid remembered him still. Jensen reached up to run one hand through his hair, pushing the sun-bleached strands out of his face and Jared was struck by just how pretty the boy still was; his features might have matured but Jensen still held an almost feminine beauty even though his body was clearly male, the enticing curve of his legs shown off perfectly in the tight jeans. 

"Sure, I guess," Jensen said and Jared forced his smile to stay calm and polite as he led Jensen away from the park and towards his house.

The street and gardens were quiet; everyone was in the park and Jared knew the chance of anyone noticing them leaving was slim. Neither of them spoke as they walked, Jared was much too deep in thought of just what would happen between them, memories of a slender body on his lap and the childish trust of a kid that only wanted to go to the North Pole. All the good he had done in his life could never mitigate what he had done to Jensen, and yet he knew that he would do it all over again if he had the chance. And with Jensen walking two steps behind him, Jared thought that maybe he did. 

"How old are you?" Jared asked once they turned up on his driveway.

"Sixteen," Jensen said quietly. "Why?"

Jared didn't answer, he just stepped around the big plants that hid the side door to his house and quickly unlocked the door, ushering Jensen inside at the same time as he threw all caution to the wind.

"You've changed," he said, leaning against the door and reaching behind to lock it.

At the sound of the lock clicking, Jensen spun around and his eyes grew wide and shocked as they darted back and forth. Standing face to face with the boy, away from all the other people at the picnic Jared could finally really look at him and doing that he could see the young boy he had met before but this new and older Jensen was even more alluring. 

"What?" Jensen asked. "We've...never met..."

Jared stepped in closer, not caring that Jensen stepped back and soon he had the kid backed up against the kitchen counter, crowding in close and resting one hand against the counter on each side of Jensen's body. He could see Jensen's Adam’s apple moving as he swallowed and his hands came up to rest against Jared's chest, most likely in an attempt to push him away but Jensen looked too confused to really do anything.

"We have," Jared corrected as he leaned in until his lips were brushing Jensen's ear. "I'm sorry that I never took you to the North Pole."

The boy in front of him froze up, still as a statue for several long moments before a sharp gasp left his lips and the tips of his fingers pressed like claws into Jared's chest.  
"No," Jensen breathed out.

"It's me," Jared confirmed as he moved one hand from the counter to Jensen's hip. "I never thought I would see you again."

"You never came back," Jensen mumbled. "And then Josh was better and we returned home and...and..."

He could feel Jensen tremble under his touch, and the boy refused to look up at Jared. Even when he fell silent, Jared could see his lips moving.

"You've grown up," Jared said, moving his hand up Jensen's side. 

"Fuck," Jensen whimpered, eyes squeezing shut. 

Jared knew there were words to say, maybe even forgiveness to ask for even though he would never deserve it, but he pushed all that aside in favor of putting two fingers under Jensen's chin and tilting his head back. Green eyes blinked open to meet Jared's and he could see the hint of wetness in the corner of his eyes.

"You were such a cute kid," Jared said. "But you're fucking gorgeous now."

With those words he leaned in and pressed their lips together and he was surprised when Jensen's lips parted on a gasp and a shy tongue came to meet his. Jensen tasted different. Even with years having gone by, Jared's memory told him that much and he pushed in closer. The boy was still stiff against him, whole body tensed even as his tongue tangled with Jared's but Jared had no plans to give him time enough to pull away. He deepened the kiss, his other hand moving to cup the swell of Jensen's ass and he reveled in the changes to Jensen's body, the matureness of it even though he barely looked his age. The kid was far from grown up, but his taller and stronger body would grant Jared what he had secretly longed for and when he took Jensen he knew that he wouldn't have to hold back. Young or not, Jensen would be able to take it. 

"I've been thinking about you," Jared groaned against Jensen's incredibly soft lips. "Never done anything like that since, never wanted to....it was just you."

His hands had found their way in under Jensen's shirt, brushing over soft skin and Jensen shivered under his touch. What got to Jared though was that he didn't pull away and Jared was sure he could make Jensen like it. He had before, after all.

"Did you ever think of me?" he asked, leaning down to kiss Jensen's neck.

Jensen's breathing had turned ragged and his eyes looked glazed over for a few moments before the boy blinked and his gaze focused on Jared.

"I was nine," Jensen said. "And you....you we're Santa. I _believed_ you. For years I thought.....and I never told anyone. Was just me."

Jared breathed out a silent sigh of relief at the confirmation that no one knew what had happened between them. He continued to kiss Jensen's neck and up to brush against the sensitive skin below his ears and he knew that the next shiver running through Jensen's body would be one of pleasure.

"I don't regret it," Jared whispered. "I can't regret you, so innocent and yet so damn good."

"I've never felt the way...the way you made me feel," Jensen mumbled. "All the others...it just wasn't good enough. And the girls...I was supposed to like girls but they..."

Jared's grip on Jensen tightened at the mention of other people laying their hands on the boy, he wanted to claim Jensen, mark him up until nothing would exist outside of the two of them.

-¤-  
-¤-

The big hands on him had Jensen want to run for the door, or push into the touch. Neither his body nor mind could decide which and the confusion was overwhelming. In the years that had passed he had convinced himself that his memory of the man had grown, that he couldn't be as big or have the kind of overwhelming aura that Jensen remembered. The kind of aura that was the very reason that Jensen had believed that the man was Santa. Even after he had realized the truth he had never told anyone and he knew only a part of that was because of what people might think of him. 

"Jared," Jensen said, the name sounding weird on his tongue now that he finally had a name for the person who had taken his virginity. 

"Jensen," Jared answered the moment before his mouth descended on Jensen's, tongue pushing in between his lips and Jensen opened his mouth to let the man in without thinking about it. 

It had been a long time since Jensen had felt as small as he did in that moment; the last two growth spurts had added several inches to his height, but with Jared's huge body pressing him against the kitchen counter, Jensen felt fragile. Jared's hands were a heavy weight on his body, moving in under his shirt and Jensen couldn't hold back a moan at the feel of skin on skin. He knew he shouldn't feel the way he did, his mind still considering pulling back, but his traitorous cock was already hard and demanding friction. 

The first time he had been with Jared, his body had been confused and overwhelmed and even though Jensen had fucked and been fucked several times since then he realized that the overwhelming feeling was still there. It was like each of Jared's touches went straight to his dick and Jensen only realized he was grinding his hips against Jared's when he had already been doing it for several minutes. 

"Don't like the thought of anyone touching you," Jared growled and Jensen could feel his cheeks heat up at the possessive words. "I was the first one to have you, no one else will compare to me, will they? I'll fuck you so good and you'll never want another cock inside you."

"No," Jensen protested weakly, words muffled against Jared's lips. "I don't....I can't..."

He couldn't even get the words out, the protest fading away to a moan when Jared pulled away enough to strip the two of them of their shirts before stepping in to close the distance between them. Jensen groaned when Jared's big hands came down to cup his ass, lifting him up onto the counter and Jensen wrapped his legs around the man's waist, pushing closer. The fear and worry and the urge to get away was fading, replaced with lust as he felt Jared's hard cock against his own. 

"Need," he mumbled, a part of him wanting to feel the way he had all those years ago, the pleasure and the desperate need.

"I know what you need," Jared said, taking a steady grip on Jensen and stepping away from the counter.

Jensen gasped, tightening his legs around Jared's waist and wrapping his arms around the man's neck to keep himself up as Jared carried his weight easily. He walked with Jensen through the house and Jensen didn't need to ask where they were going and his suspicions were confirmed when Jared pushed a door open and Jensen found himself in the man's bedroom. He looked around to take in the soft tones of gray and blue, the masculine look of it fitting the man but Jensen didn't really have time to look more before Jared let them fall down on the huge, soft bed. 

"I shouldn't want this," Jensen groaned even as he untangled himself from Jared, only to let his hands drop down to his own belt.

"But you do," Jared said."You perverted little boy, you want to have me inside you again."

A half-choked sob left Jensen at those words and even though he wanted to say something, to deny it, he knew that Jared was right and Jensen was perverted for wanting the man who had taken his innocence away. He couldn't even pull his eyes away as Jared stood up beside the bed and peeled out of his clothes, too transfixed with all the naked skin suddenly put on display.

"You like what you see?" Jared asked before kneeling down on the bed beside Jensen. "I want to see more of you."

He reached down to where Jensen's hands were resting above his belt buckle and Jensen didn't stop him, just moved his hands away and watched as Jared slowly stripped him bare, pressing kisses to his skin as the clothes were removed. Jensen hissed when the tight jeans slid down his hips, dragging over his hard cock.

"Fuck," he hissed at the sudden sensation. "Jared..."

"This time I won't have to tell you lies," Jared said, swiping his tongue over one of Jensen's nipples. "You know what's happening here."

That was only partly true because Jensen couldn't explain his own feelings as to what Jared was doing to him, didn't really understand why his body was reacting the way it was. He wanted Jared, wanted to see if the man could make him feel the way he had before, but at the same time he wanted to run, run and never stop. The first instinct won out, however and he knew it had to be like that, each nerve ending in his body attuned to Jared's touches even though the man hadn't even come close to Jensen's hard cock yet. It seemed like Jared was intent on making Jensen beg, his hands moving slowly over Jensen's body and his lips leaving a trail of fire as they pressed against the most sensitive spots. Jensen arched up off the bed when Jared's lips dragged over his hips, closer and closer to where Jensen needed the man's mouth to be but he couldn't ask for it. The words were stuck on the back of his tongue and all that came out was gasps, moans and something that he knew was too close to sobs.

"You need this," Jared whispered against his hip. "And I know how to give it to you, all you need to do is ask."

Jensen shook his head, although in truth it was more of him thrashing back and forth in the bed, teeth clenched together. 

"I will do this right," Jared promised. "Make you feel like you have never felt before."

A snapping sound rang out loud in the room but Jensen's foggy mind didn't want to connect the sound to anything, all he was able to think of was Jared's hand stroking up to tease a nipple once more. He groaned when Jared shifted on the bed,moving to kneel between Jensen's legs and pushing them apart. The new position made Jensen feel exposed and vulnerable in a way sex had never made him feel before and he knew his cheeks were turning red with humiliation as Jared looked, gaze hot against his skin.

"Just....relax..." Jared said slowly and Jensen was just about to ask what he meant when he felt something slick and cold nudging against his hole.

"Oh..."

It was nothing more than a surprised exhale as he realized what the sound had been; the click of a tube of slick being opened. Before he could really tense up he felt one finger slide deep inside and no matter all the worry and trepidation, he couldn't help himself from pushing down against the finger. He trembled when Jared's long finger brushed against his prostate, so much better than any other lover's fingers had ever been, better than his own. 

"C'mon," Jared urged him on. "Just admit that you want it. You shouldn't care what others say you should want, what's right or wrong. What do _you_ want?"

Jensen moved his hips, trying to get more of Jared inside but that silent plea was all he could manage. 

"So tight," Jared said, looking down to where his finger was disappearing inside Jensen's body. "Doesn't this feel good?"

Any response died when Jared slid his finger out only to replace it with two, spreading Jensen even wider and there was no denying the pleasure that crackled under his skin. 

-¤-  
-¤-

Jared could see the hesitant pleasure written on Jensen's face, wiping away worries and fears and Jared had to admit that the mere knowledge that he had been Jensen's first was enough to make him even harder. He wanted to kiss Jensen, to show him pleasure and make him come hard enough that the boy would forget anyone else he had allowed to be inside him. 

He didn't think he was wrong in what he had told the boy; Jensen's arousal was obvious even though his mind was fighting against it. Jared wanted to be the one to truly show Jenen how good everything could be, he wanted to finish what he had started all those years ago. 

"Tell me, Jensen," Jared asked the boy splayed out in front of him. "How does it feel?"

"Good!" Jensen cried out, his inner walls clenching down hard around Jared's fingers. "It feels so fucking good."

"Has it ever felt this good with anyone else? Even close to it?" Jared asked, twisting his fingers inside the boy and he knew the moment he found Jensen's prostate because the boy threw his head back, moaning loudly. 

"No," Jensen gasped out. "Nothing feels like this. No one feels like you...fuck...you made me into this. If it wasn't for....fuck...."

Jared thought about that, hands not stopping pulling the pleasure from Jensen's body. He had always known his own life would have been different had he never met Jensen and allowed himself to have done what should never have been done, and it was obvious that Jensen's would have been vastly different had the two of them never met. 

"You think you wouldn't be gay, had it not been for me?" Jared asked, teasing his fingers inches from Jensen's hard cock.

"Yes! No!," Jensen moaned. "I don't know..."

"Want me to touch you? To make you come so hard that you see stars?"

Jensen's mouth opened and for a moment Jared expected protests, thought that Jensen would deny the connection between them but instead the boy started pleading. 

"Yes, god yes," Jensen managed to get out, voice thick with lust. "Do it, want you to touch me. Please Jared, make me feel good. I want your hands on me.. fuck... Your fingers feel so good inside me."

"Want more?" Jared asked "Want my hand on your pretty cock?"

"No," Jensen said, sounding breathless. "Want you to fuck me. I've thought of your cock inside me... Knew I shouldn't but I did. Could never forget it..."

"Fuck," Jared hissed and he let his hands drop down to his own hard cock, smearing pre-come down the shaft. 

He wanted to push inside, slide in deep and hard in one thrust, but the need to make it good for Jensen won out and he fumbled for the lube, slicking his cock up good and pushing some more inside Jensen. 

"Please," Jensen pleaded. "I could take you back then, I can take you now. Please, fuck me like you did then."

Jared had to stop and pull in a few deep breaths to calm himself down or he knew he would come the second he felt Jensen's ass tight around his cock. It wasn't easy to get himself under control again, not with Jensen's body gleaming with a thin sheen of sweat and his eyes locked on Jared's cock. 

"Please," the boy breathed out and there was only so much Jared could take. 

With one hand around his hard cock he leaned forward until the head was nudging against the slick opening and Jared groaned when he saw the rim opening up around his dick. He could remember how incredibly tight Jensen had been at nine but now he was even tighter and hotter than Jared's memory had told him. The boy's ass fit around his cock unlike anything else, a silken tight heat and Jared thought he could come from just being inside Jensen. He could feel the muscles move and shift around him when he slowly pushed inside, watching as his cock slowly disappeared inside Jensen until he finally was balls deep inside the boy he had spent seven years dreaming about. 

"So...big..." Jensen gasped and his eyes squeezed shut.

Jared could tell that the boy was struggling to adjust to the stretch, could feel the muscles slowly release their almost painful grip around him and when they did there was no way Jared could stay still.

"Fucking hell."

He was barely aware of the words spilling from his lips when he pulled back until only the head was keeping Jensen spread open and he waited for several long moments before he shoved back inside with one hard thrust. Jensen cried out and his eyes flew open again but from the glazed look Jared doubted the boy did really see anything. 

"More," Jensen pleaded. "Oh god, thought I remembered wrong but...fuck so good. Please Jared, take me. It's so good, no one has ever made me...oh...oh..."

Jared hoped he would be able to fuck Jensen until the boy would forget anyone that wasn't Jared and he gripped slim hips tightly, tugging Jensen closer, burying himself even deeper. Perfectly bowed legs wrapped around Jared's waist, fitting like they were made to be just there and Jared let himself collapse forward until he could push his tongue in between soft lips. Jensen clung to him, nails digging in sharp little crescents of pain that only served to make the pleasure even sweeter. Despite their earlier kisses Jared was sure he could still taste the lingering apple pie on Jensen's tongue, a fresh sweetness that he couldn't remember from their previous time together. 

Having Jensen clinging to him, rocking up to meet each one of Jared's thrusts, was better than any memory of him could ever have been. With the hesitation having been pushed aside and replaced with lust, Jensen was all Jared could ever have wanted him to be, so willing and responsive to each of Jared's touches. 

"Fuck me...harder, please," Jensen got out between soft moans.

"Damn, you're perfect," Jared got out, seeing surprise flash over Jensen's face. 

The first time he had met Jensen, Jared hadn't really seen beyond a pretty little kid that had believed every word Jared had told him. This second time, the boy's beauty was even more breathtaking, but he had a strength to him despite of what Jared had done to him and when he circled his hips, grinding into Jensen's tight heat, he realized that maybe there was more to the kid than he had expected. If Jensen allowed it, there was no way that Jared would be able to stay away from the boy.

"I want you like I had you then," Jared said, needing to recreate their first time.

A soft whine left Jensen's lips when Jared pulled back, forcing the boy's legs to let go of him but Jared forced himself to not push back inside right away even though he really wanted to. Instead he took a firm grip on Jensen's hips and spun them around until Jensen was on top of him, a firm weight against him and Jared stroked up his sides. Jensen sat up, ass against Jared's thighs but Jared pushed him back until he could move up, sitting leaning against the headboard with Jensen in front of him.

"C'mon," he urged the boy. "Want you to slide down on my cock, you know you want to."

Jensen's full lower lip was caught between his teeth and Jared expected him to hesitate but without a second’s doubt Jensen pushed himself up until he was straddling Jared, his ass brushing against Jared's cock.

"Fuck yeah, just like that," Jared moaned. 

Reaching behind him, Jensen's slender hand grabbed Jared's cock and angled it until the head was pressed against the rim and a deep moan left the boy's lips as he sank down. It had been good to be inside Jensen before, but with Jensen eagerly moving on top of him, it was even better. The new position made him see Jensen even better, the position allowing Jared to see each flex of muscles as Jensen started riding him. 

"Just...like...that..."

"Too good," Jensen mumbled, slight trace of hesitation still lingering in his voice. 

"No," Jared said. "Fucking perfect."

A little laugh left Jensen's lips at that and he picked up speed, riding Jared with circular movements of his hips that made Jared's cock grind against his prostate.

"If people knew," Jensen mumbled. "So wrong."

Jensen was still too clear-headed for Jared's liking and he took a firm grip on slender hips, slamming the boy all the way down on his cock. The boy threw his head back, a cry of ecstasy leaving his lips when Jared _finally_ reached down to wrap his hand around Jensen's cock, feeling it twitch in his grip. The added pleasure had Jensen clenching even tighter around Jared, a pleasure so intense it bordered on being painful. 

"Gonna...gonna..." Jensen groaned, rocking back and forth between Jared's hand on his cock, and the hard length filling him up. 

"Wanna come?" Jared asked, brushing his thumb lightly against the sensitive vein on the underside of the boy's dick.

"Need to," Jensen whined. "Let me...please Jared, let me..."

Jared's own orgasm was building, fire along his spine and his world had narrowed down to the feel of Jensen, the scent of him and the perfect sounds spilling from his lips.

"I want you to come," Jared told Jensen. "Want to feel you clench around me as you..."

The words died on his lips, lost on the moan as Jensen came, his release hot against Jared's belly and that combined with Jensen's ass practically milking his cock was enough to push Jared over the edge as well. He pulled Jensen down, swallowing down the boy's moans as they rocked together through their orgasms until Jensen collapsed against him, breathing heavily against his neck. 

"I could stay like this forever," Jared mumbled, feeling himself slowly softening inside Jensen. 

They weren't really words he had meant to say and he could feel Jensen tense up on his lap, his inner muscles squeezing Jared's over-sensitized cock and causing him to hiss. 

"I should leave.." Jensen said even though Jared could hear the sated drawl to his words.

"No," Jared protested. "You really shouldn't."

Jensen pulled back enough for them to be able to look at each other but not enough for Jared's cock to slide free and they sat like that for several long minutes, bodies still intimately connected. 

"You do know this is wrong?" Jensen asked almost silently.

"Obviously," Jared agreed. "What I did to you back then was even more wrong and...I don't think I would have done it, if I could a get a do-over."

"Right."

When Jensen pulled away Jared let him, suddenly feeling cold when the boy's heat was no longer around him and pressed up against him and he sat watching as Jensen pulled on clothes, wincing slightly as he moved.

"Will you be back?" Jared asked when Jensen quietly moved towards the door.

Jensen turned around, one hand on the door handle and Jared was starting to think he wouldn't respond but then he shrugged and turned back to open the door.

"I don't know."

-¤-  
-¤-

Standing naked in front of the mirror Jensen looked down at the finger-shaped bruises on his hips, Jared's marks slowly fading away. He had been sore after leaving Jared and he had seen Brandon eyeing him suspiciously when they ran into each other the following day. 

Jared was everything Jensen shouldn't want. In fact, he knew that he should hate the man for what he had done but he couldn't find it in himself to really do that. With Jared it wasn't a question of right and wrong, it was just about lust and need and the fact that he had been able to pull Jensen out of his headspace until all he had been able to feel was pleasure. No one else had managed that before and Jensen knew that he wouldn't be able to go without it now that he knew that it existed. 

"Fuck you," he mumbled to himself and he wasn't sure if he spoke to himself or to Jared. 

Maybe it was both.

With a sigh he moved to pull his clothes back on, skin still slightly damp from the shower and he knew that his family would be out for the day so there was no one to ask where he was going. He didn't have a goal in mind, or at least he didn't think he had one. 

He wasn't really surprised when he found himself knocking on Jared's back door. 

-¤-


End file.
